Coming Out Genderqueer
Note: I posted this on Facebook, then Google+, and I'm putting it here, now, for posterity:
Okay, time to come out of a closet... maybe the last closet?
Some of you may have noticed a change in language, certain comments I've made, I've even come out to a handful of my friends... but, now it's time to do this to the rest of the world.
I am making it official. I identify as genderqueer with some fluidity. Most of the time, I identify as both genders, but sometimes I'll have a strong preference for one or the other. This is a thing that's been going on all my life, I'm just now giving it words and acceptance and understanding instead of spending all my time and energy fighting it.
This has been a journey that's been ongoing for the last few months, one that never would've been possible without years of therapy to learn how to identify my own feelings and listen to what I am telling myself, and close friends who ask me pressing questions that make me think about aspects of my life I'd long thought were settled, and a loving husband who sincerely wants me to be happy and loves me no matter how I identify.
I can not describe the amount of relief I feel while at the same time realizing I'm complicating my life. The relief and the ability to live my life as who I am instead of who people see me as are more important than the fear of coming out and changing people's expectations and dealing with a world that's still rather hostile to enbies. It's begun to alleviate a great deal of depression and anxiety I finally realized had to do with me trying to fulfill all the expectations of being a woman.
Okay, so the important stuff... what I need from YOU.
Feel free to ask questions, but don't throw shade or spread negativity. This is HARD and necessary at the same time.
Pronouns: By and large, they/them/their will be the default from here on out for people who know me and understand. Since I'm a public figure, this is how I'd prefer to be referred to in any press.
Now, here's where fluidity makes things interesting...
If you see me performing 'feminine' heavily, I don't mind she/her/hers. If you see me performing 'masculine' heavily, feel free to refer to me as he/him/his.
They/them/their works all the time. Asking is always appropriate and okay, especially because I often feel both at the same time, and my masculine has femme qualities, and my feminine has masc qualities.
Because of all that, I'm not going to be really upset if you get it wrong - unless you're trying to be a dick - so don't get too caught up in it or worry about it overly much.
My name: I really like Stacy, so I'm not changing it. Stacy IS a unisex name, but much of the world has forgotten that since I was a kid. In fact, I used to use it as an excuse to play at being a boy in the rare instances I could pass as one when I was a tween. Since then, it's become a much more feminine name, so that's another reason I'm not gonna be super upset if people assume female when they see it in print. I like it enough I'm willing to deal with that.