20 Ways To Leave Your Lover

20 Ways To Leave Your Lover

Originally published in Randomocity #2, here's a random table full of twenty ways to leave your lover (or have your lover leave you). 

  1. Left a ‘Dear John’ letter attached to the front door with a bloody dagger.
  2. Did so via a public announcement (or Social Network).
  3. Changed the locks on the house.
  4. Sent an assassin.
  5. Left at the altar.
  6. Painted ‘It’s You, Not Me’ in giant letters on the ex’s home.  
  7. Poisoned Pen letter (not the figurative kind, either, the ink was actually poisonous).
  8. Cheated with another member of the group / party.
  9. Moved out while ex was away on an adventure (may have even suggested the adventure in the first place).
  10. Asked another member of the group / party to break the news.
  11. Became really really mean.
  12. Sent a text message / letter / messenger.  
  13. After one last toss in the hay.
  14. Ran away and changed their identity.
  15. Sent a prostitute over as conciliation.
  16. Billboard, sign, or jumbotron.
  17. Faked their own death.
  18. Took an ad out in a local publication.
  19. Held a party just to announce the break up.
  20. Had a private conversation and spoke to you in a kind, sincere, and respectful manner. You parted as friends.
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